Changing (negative) Programming - are we in charge or not?

Yesterday I had a chat with a dear friend. 

It is inspiring how we are both on our separate journeys, yet we experience similar topics. And it is uplifting how these chats are helping with our own issues. Something she mentions, answers, but also questions, something she tells me, something I tell her, advices she gives me, ... all in all we support each other and more than once I answered my own questions by trying to answer hers.

One of the topics yesterday was:
How can the (negative) programming, which was going on for a very long time, can be changed?

My friend mentioned something like that:
"It was done a long time ago and it went on for so long. It can´t be changed in a day. We need patience." 

That sentence didn´t feel right to me. I was tensing up because it would mean we do not have it in our hands. But we do!  

And I promised to tell her what I discovered about that lately. So why not writing a blog for more people to read about my thoughts on it? Can´t hurt I would say. 

I believe that we can change anything and we can do it NOW. Or at least kick it off when ever we are ready for it. We do NOT have to wait patently for it to happen. We ARE in charge! 

Healing only can happen when we address the roots of the traumatic programming. 

Which takes a lot of courage and it needs a clear decision from our side to have a close AND an honest look at it. At everything, also the most painful parts.  

Important rule for that: 
There is the right time for every healing process! We can´t force it. Because, what really is hard to understand, in every traumatic experience lies a deeper meaning. We do not suffer from traumatic stuff without a reason.

Only when we´ve learned the lesson, which was presented, are we able to let go. When we´ve learned the lesson we do not need this topic anymore.

That´s why it is important to address it in "bright sunshine" when the chance comes up for that. Have an honest look and dig out all the mess - whenever and only when you are ready for it.  

For me this moment always arrives very clear. 

All the topics repeatedly come up from time to time. Usually either they bother me and I try to push them back into their drawer as fast as possible. Or I try to work on them actively but don´t find the right approach to their essence. No matter how intense I really wish to work on them. 

And then there comes this moment when all of a sudden I look at a specific topic in a more calm and relaxed way. In a peaceful way I even would say. 
I guess this is the right time when I am also able to spot the lesson or the reason behind the trauma. And this is the moment when the healing can start. This is the moment when I am able to forgive and to let go. 

I have an example for you. It is about my phobia of mice and rats. 

I do remember what happened there really clearly. 

As a child I was unbothered by them. I grew up in an old house next to a forest. Mice and rats where not always there but part of my childhood. Nothing unusual.

It was only when I was in my twenties when I discovered that I got scared by them. Whenever I saw a mouse or a rat I tensed up and fell into a kind of shock. 
The big "highlight" came, when I was working at a cash desk in a big shop and we found out there were mice around. One morning a colleague opened a drawer at the cash desk and sprang back in surprise. I didn´t see it myself but I knew there was a mouse inside. 
I broke down in tears and my whole body was trembling. Never ever would I have been able to work at that cash desk this day! 

A short while later the topic of phobias came up at my meditation circle. (See, when the right time for healing has come, all the tools are provided ...!)

The explanations for the individual phobias made so much sense:

- Snakes: fear of change (because snakes are regularly shedding their skins) 

- Spiders: an issue with believing in spirituality (because they live in their nets between earth and sky), also spiders stand for femininity (so issues with your own femininity could be the problem when you have a phobia of spiders)   

- Mice: an issue with money (in German language we even use the word "mice" for money) 

This explanation made totally sense for me. I´ve received my answer! I´ve received a new perspective to look at that issue: 

I did have a big issue with money in my adult life. I was manipulated to believe I have to give money in exchange to be loved. At one point I had given almost all my money to a manipulating partner in a very toxic relationship.

With this new understanding it made so much more sense why this fear of mice and rats started when I was in my twenties! 

So, with this new information, I had a closer look on where I stand with money nowadays. And with that I actively confirmed myself that it is not an issue anymore. This toxic relationship was over and I was in control over my own money again. I did well. It is done!

A while later it happened that I was in the city with this same colleague of mine who spotted the mouse in the drawer. 

When a little mouse appeared on the side of a street next to us ... 

Her first reflex was: "Oh, how sweet, a little mouse." Then she went pale: "I am so sorry. I forgot. Lets go."

But I looked at the little mouse and nothing happened. I even took a few careful steps toward the mouse to have a closer look. Still nothing happened.

My colleague watched the scene in awe.

"What happened with you? I can´t believe what I see!"

"I guess I´ve been healed from my phobia."

And the phobia was over - because the trauma was healed. I was able to let go because I didn´t need it anymore.  

Now can you see how Universe is working here? 
How the topic came up once more ... but in such an intensity that I couldn´t ignore it anymore.

How "totally incoherent" exactly this topic came up a few days later and I received the answer I needed - exactly the answer I needed at exactly the right moment!

How my understanding completely changed.

How I even were allowed - with the right person to witness it! - to proof it was done. 

Isn´t that mind blowing? 

For me it is. And I am so grateful for being able to see all those connections so clearly!
Because that helps so much addressing every other issue.

The more clearer I understand the procedure the better I can use it for my own good. 

One of the most important lessons I´ve learned lately is:

I do not have to actively work on any issue. I do not have to force it or to try to control it. 

Just having a look at it when it appears. Just asking myself what might be the reason for showing up. 

Am I supposed to address it closely now? Has the time come to deal with it? 

Or is it just popping up to remind me of the issue still waiting to be healed? 

To remind me there still is this issue which might be a reason for other things going on in my life. 

Sometimes I am sending out questions about an issue.

Sometimes I am asking for help to be able to address an issue. 

Example:

I don´t want to be that angry anymore. Can you please help me to get rid of it? 

A while later I heard in a documentary: "We sometimes are angry and frustrated. That´s normal. Don´t try to get rid of it. It shows you so much of what is going on within yourself. Just figure out WHY you are REALLY angry about something?"

Thank you! Answer received! 

And what happens nowadays?
I still get mad. Oh Boy! You wouldn´t want to hear some of my violent thoughts I occasionally have! But at the very next moment I am laughing inwardly about those colorful thoughts: Hey girl, relax! Take it easy! ... Why are you angry right now? What is the real reason behind your rage? 
And when I am lucky enough to dig out the real reason, the rage about it fades ... 

Example:

I so hate it when people have to blast their music. Walking by having a beat box on full volume with them; in cars, mostly small cars which almost fall apart from the heavy beat of the extreme loud music; when I want to sit in peace on the beach and people play their music so loud or the beat of a club nearby is disturbing!

This ridiculously loud beat of the high technic devices hurts me so much! Not only stresses me out by disturbing me ... I have physical pains in my chest from it!  

Okay, fair enough. But why are you really angry?
Because I am so mad at people not understanding that they disturb others. They don´t care about others! They don´t give a f... about anybody around them who might suffer from their selfish action!

Okay, I can see the motivation of your anger. Now, what motivation could they have to play their music so - selfishly - loud?

Because they are f....

NO! STOP! Try again. Take away your anger and look at them closely. ... What could be the reason for them to have to be surrounded by every possible loud sound? 

I don´t know. How can they even enjoy something like that at every wakening hour? I would get nuts! 

When I take my anger out of the situation and try to understand the real motivation I calm down immediately because now I focus on the "WHY" more than on my own rage. Next time when a car passes by, shaking like crazy from the much too loud beat, I try to get a glimpse at the people in the car and I try to figure out what is going on with them.

Sometimes, when I see that they are having fun and a huge party is going on, it makes me smile. Yes, let them have a blast! They are young, they are wild! Go for it, guys!

And I guess when Universe sees my willingness to address the real issue, it sends me a message with the correct answer!

Reading a post on Facebook about how intense the time is right now and how sensitive people are getting right now, most of them suffering a lot from it ... the light pulp appeared above my head!

Of course!

I, the Highly Sensitive Person, who is used to those feelings ... even I am recognizing how bloody intense everything is right now! Even I am struggling with being even more sensitive than I´ve ever been before in my life!

Of course people who are not used to that can´t stand it!

Better to torture yourself with the loudest of the loud music instead of dealing with all those emotions coming up right now!

"Untrained" people need every distraction, sounds and noise everywhere, so they are not freaking out by that huge input from "above". 

That´s why they 24/7 have their mobiles in their hands and ear plugs on their ears ...

Of course! Makes so much sense!  

Thank you so much! I do not have to be angry anymore because of not understanding their possible motivation. I understand it now. Blessed be their souls!

So, coming to an end:
Are we in charge of changing our (negative) programming?

Yes, at the right moment. In fact exactly when this programming had served it´s purpose! 

Be gentle with yourself!

Believe and trust in the Bigger Reason behind everything!

Trust in Universe to send you all the necessary tools and full support when the right time had come!

Send out for help and be aware that it will come when the time is right!

Be thankful for all the programming and traumas in your life - as they allow you to heal piece by piece when the time is right! 

Be grateful of the awareness with which you are allowed to travel your journey! Don´t mourn the pain of healing, celebrate the progress!

The progress to a fulfilled and happy life!

THANK YOU, UNIVERSE!

PILAMAYAYE WAKAN TANKA!