2026 - here I come!

I´ve heard a lot about 2026 and I was perfectly guided by amazing mentors through the preperation period in the last couple of years. Yet, I´ve decided to stop listening to podcasts, to stop seeking for information about the ongoing process of change. 

The big universal change!

Although the word "decided" is not describing what really was happening. For a while I was soaking up every word of those who know what´s going on. It made me understand, it brought my own personal healing process to the next level. But at one point I realized that what they told me only was a confirmation for what I already knew deep inside of me. They just helped me to bring it to the surface, which made me more confortable and convident about myself.

I started to trust myself.

I started to believe in me.

So in the end of 2025, which was one of the tuffest ending of years as far as I can remember, the urge became bigger and bigger to experience 2026, the important year 2026, in a new, very personal way. I wanted to focus on myself, to do it without the support of mentors, to finally live my life guided by instinct, gut feeling and everything I already know.

Not only did I trust in life itself, but I finally started to trust myself. And with that the avalanche of events started to roll ...

If I would have to describe it, I would say everything started to unfold by itself. Which is not totally true. Because the new wave of independence definitely was nurished by my life long process of dealing with life, supported by the new universal energy and part of the Big Plan. The timing was too perfect to be coincidentally. There must have been a reason. And of course there is a reason. Because nothing happens without a reason. 

Something so fundamental, yet it still blows my mind by trying to understand how it is even possible. Why or what or who should have planned my life so precicely?

So, the last years were building up already. It felt like life made sure I was bringing my healing process to "an end". It felt like the last decade here in Malta, when I was able to find out who I am without the enviroment which shaped me for too long, was the intended time period to get ready for 2026, for the start into the New Time. 

Something inside of me was ready to take over. That gentle voice of support got strong enough to unmistakable been recognized as my own voice, my ... like expert would call it ... my Higher Self.  

I guess what really started the avalanche to roll was when I was so mesmerized by observing the ongoing changes that I forgot to actively work on them. 

Well, all of a sudden there was nothing left to actively work on. So much had been lost, so much had to be let go of, important people left my life. 2025 ended with a huge emptiness. Blank. Nothing. Nada. 

That was scary. Oh wow! 

Though the good thing about emptiness is: there is so much space for NEW.

And that was when I "decided" I wanna use this oportunity to make 2026 my very personal, my own year. 

What was growing inside of me was the urge to let life unfold by itself. I was curious about the next step but I stopped trying to control it. I wanted to know where my journey would take me to when I didn´t try to do my best. Let life show me what to do next. Trust the process. See what will happen.

I remember this one particular moment when I was sitting in my favourite café, my safe space, my bubble of freedom. It was a Saturday afternoon and the tiny café was cramed. I had a cup of coffee, some sweet treat and my diary in front of me, my beautiful pen in my hand and all the time in the world. People went in and out, ordered coffee to take away, groups of friends and couples sat at the round tables in the outside area, chatting, laughing, being together. I felt relaxed and content. But, all of a sudden, the feeling of loneliness was creeping in, when I was watching those couples and groups of friends, who met on a Saturday afternoon to spend some time together. I just realized that I would always sit there alone with my diary and pen in my hand. I would never belong to a group of friends, because I am not the type of being a member of a group. And even more, I would never be part of a couple. 

I am a loner. My life is shaped to be alone.

I took a few deep breaths and let my gaze wander over the scene, while I gave my emotions and feelings their needed space. I just widnessed what happened without trying to shape it or put some logical thoughts into it. 

And after a while I felt a warm feeling rising from my heart area and that gentle voice of mine talked to me:

"You are part of this family. This is your safe space. You know and love the stuff members. You´ve already met some amazing people in this café. You had interesting, deep going conversations with strangers, laughed tears by being silly with people you love. You belong here. You are part of it, even when you are sitting here alone, writing diary and not talking to others." 

That warm feeling spreaded over my whole body. I started to smile. That´s my life. This is who I am. This is what I want. This is what I am comfortable with. That´s me! 

This particual moment taught me to surrender. To surrender to life. 

That´s me - for a reason.

That´s my life - for a reason.

Period.

What reason?

That´s now to find out ... every day a little more. 

Now, almost two months into 2026, I already know that my decision to make this special year a very personal year, was the best decision ever! 

Next level.

It was mindblowing when I found out how hard I was working all of my life! I´ve tried to do my best. I´ve tried to correct my flaws and mistakes. I´ve tried to grow and heal and become the best version of myself. 

And why did I do that?

Because I didn´t realize what has always been there already.

Yesterday I´ve received a beautiful picture about that from my Higher Self.

All of my life I believed I was a pebble. I thought it is my duty to take this pebble in my own hands and try to transform it into something more valuable. I worked hard on trying to shape that pebble into something "more". But no matter how hard I´ve tried, I couldn´t do it. I despaired at the certainty that I can't make a diamond out of a pebble! I failed. I disappointed. I lived with the belief of being a disappointment and a failure. 

Only now I realize that I´ve never been a pebble. I´ve always been a diamond already. A diamond which only needed to be discovered and uncovered.

What an amazing realization to start into the New Time with! Thank you for that impressive picture!

Let´s uncover what is in store for me next.

2026 - here I come!  

Say It Out ... Or ... Not Saying Anything?

 

I remember a time in 2023, most likely in September or October, when I had the strange feeling that my life is over. No morbid thoughts though, but just the feeling everything important already had happened and there is nothing more to come yet.

Today my thoughts about that would be: "Boy, was I wrong!"

I guess what I really felt back then was the healing process coming to an end. So yes, the feeling actually was right: everything important already had happened. The most important lessons were learned, my big traumas were worked on, the pain was relieved. 

That inevitable shift into a more relaxed and definitely more free life felt like ... there is nothing left to do.

Also this feeling was right. There is nothing left to do! Yes, correct. Means: what is coming now is coming best by letting it come, letting it happen, without actively working on it. 

And please don´t get me wrong. The lessons are not done yet, they keep coming. There is still so much to learn! The healing process is still in motion. Also my traumas are popping up from time to time. But without the big eruption of emotions. They come back more gently - to tell me some last lessons or to show me parts of the situation which I haven´t noticed yet. 

And that is how it works. Everything comes at the perfect right time. I´ve been re-living and re-feeling situations all over again and again. I thought I haven´t let anything out ... and yet they keep coming back with new information, with facts I haven´t thought of yet.

That´s part of the healing process.

At one point you figure out that this situation doesn´t have any power over you anymore. Then the healing process speeds up and all of a sudden the thoughts about your past are much more easier to endure. And one day the situation will shrink together to another landmark on your map of life.

******

Amazing thoughts, but those were not the thoughts I wanted to write down today. But this beginning of a blog sat there as a draft and I didn´t want to delete it. So I decided to keep is as a starter.

Today I stepped out of the house and the first thing I saw was a beautiful butterfly fluttering over the roses in my neighbour´s garden. 

A reminder for where I am right now: in my butterfly-phase of life

When I received three stones from a Shaman years ago I was sure the order of those stones where:

Fox - Butterfly - Swan

The first stone stands for the characteristics you bring into life.

The second and the third stone stand for your journey in life.

For years I kept the stones in that order: Fox - Butterfly - Swan 

For me that was just logical: first you transform like a butterfly and then you become a beautiful swan. 

But - also a couple of months ago - I found the notes I took right after the meeting with the Shaman. And back then I had written down the order as:

Fox - Swan - Butterfly

That was a big surprise. How does that development even make sense?

First a swan and then a butterfly?

Today I know that the phase of the butterfly ... IS ... the highlight of my journey!

A beautiful yet very fragile creature, fluttering over flower meadows, fluttering free and independent, apparently just for the fun of enjoying the beauty of nature. 

And you know what?

I precisely know the day when I shifted into my butterfly-phase. It happened in full consciousness and while I was writing diary. But that story has to be told another day.

The butterfly, which fluttered over the roses in my neighbour´s garden today, let me know it will be a beautiful butterfly-day. Thank you, little creature. I appreciate your existence so so much! 

It made me smile and it made me look into the eyes of people who approached me on my way. Guys, I feel connected with you and with the world. And that feels so great!

I kept "fluttering" into my day off, into a day without any plans - my favourite days. 

Whenever I am walking and I have some space left, I drift into my daydreams. My own private movie in my head-theatre, which I can create and watch whenever I have space left for it. 

Not that fluttering into my day off without having any tasks to do would not be enough. But living in my daydreams gives me an extra portion of joy and happiness. 

Today I "overheard" a conversation in my movie that provided me with some real wisdom for life!

(Yes, that´s what daydreaming and stepping into fantasy world sometimes is about to do for you.)

And these are the thoughts I actually wanted to share with you:

I don´t want to be afraid of saying what I think anymore. I want to feel free to say what is on my mind out loud and totally honest. Without the fear of saying something stupid. Without the fear the other person might think I am stupid, crazy or out of my mind.

There are things I need to say out loud. 

There are thoughts I need the other person to know. Because I need the other person to know who I am. 

A full open conversation and a total honest conversation - for me - is the easiest, most direct and most effective method to connect with each other on a very deep soul level. 

More and more I am loosing the fear of me embarrassing myself because of my honest expressions. Or in other words: 

I am not afraid to embarrass myself anymore. Let it happen. There will be more stupid, crazy or out of my mind thoughts which I will say out loud in the future. Many, many more. So what? Let it be. I am fine with them. There is nothing wrong with being stupid, crazy or out of my mind sometimes. That´s life. That´s me. Take it or leave it!

And please always feel free to tell me when I am acting stupid, crazy or out of my mind! Let me know. I would love to hear your opinion about it. Let me know when I am acting like a fool. My intention is NOT to act like a fool. It just happens. I am willing to learn.  

Just be aware that I will express my inner world more and more from now on.

Because ... what I am really afraid of today is ... that in a very important conversation I would keep back what I think or feel, because I think it could be received as stupid, crazy or out of my mind. When maybe it would be the most important thing to say, probably for the other person to sense my insecurity and therefore also feel free to speak out his honest thoughts more open instead. 

Or in other words:
What I am really afraid of is, that I could loose an important opportunity to tell the other person what is really happening inside of me. Just because of the fear to say what is really happening inside of me.

While fluttering with this heart-warming thought another thought appeared: 

I do not regret any encounter which might have turned out a bit embarrassing because I said too much or to intense things. Yeah, I felt embarrassed and sometimes even ashamed afterward. But fact is also that the responses of others tell a lot about our relationship toward each other. And when I´ve got the chance to talk about the incidences afterward, most of the time people keep telling me they didn´t feel that way and they didn´t receive my words as too much or too intense. 

Me being so critical with myself!

Another lesson I am allowed to learn from ...

What I really regret, really, really regret, are those moments when I was holding back and afterward I just knew I´ve lost a very important opportunity to express myself. 

There is one recent encounter which immediately pops up in my memories:

I was walking up the street and had to pass the outdoor area of a café. From the distance I saw sitting at the last table a .. how would I describe him best? ... an extreme interesting man. Long dark hair, a long dark beard, with an aura of Holiness around himself. Kind of an Indian Guru, looking a bit like Jesus. I couldn´t take my eyes from him. And I am afraid even my mouth was open in a silent "Wow" while I came nearer and nearer. Fortunately he was looking down onto - I don´t even know if it was a book or his mobile -, so he wouldn´t see me staring at him in total awe. 

I felt his beautiful aura, I felt him being total centred and I somehow felt deeply connected with him.

When I reached the hight of his table, he all of a sudden but very natural raised his head, looked me directly into my eyes and just said: "Hello."

I was shocked. He completely took me by surprise. I couldn´t respond. I didn´t even smile at him. I just kept on walking like in trance. 

From a couple of metres away till today I so regret my not being able to react on that "Hello". I still want to kick my ass for not even smiling at him. 

He felt me! He felt me feeling connected with him!

And I couldn´t react on his reaction ...

Those are the regrets in my life. 

Not the failures - but the lost chances!

Is it not great what comes out of daydreams when I feel free in my mind like a butterfly? 

I thought it would be nice sharing that with you.

Have yourself a butterfly-day!

Little Brave Girl

 

It´s been a while ... and today is the perfect day to reactivate this blog again. 

Not because it is Austrian´s National Day today. That indeed is a coincidence. Or maybe not. I don´t believe in coincidences at all. Though this fact has nothing to do with me jumping out of bed with the urgent feeling I want to write a blog again.

What did make me jump out of bed today was that sweet memory of yesterday´s conversation with an amazing stranger and beautiful soul, who after about an hour chatting was no stranger anymore:

"Are you a writer?"

My answer yesterday was: "I wish!"

My answer today would be: "Yes, I am."

I am a writer.

Not as professional as I wish to be ... yet. But yes, I am a writer.

That´s my passion. That´s the best way for me to reflect and to express myself. That is who I am.

I call myself a writer because this is what I am doing almost every day. What I really love to do nowadays is shown in the picture above. My "coffee-writing-sessions", as I call them, became dear and precious to me. Those are the most peaceful moments of the day, when I become who I was meant to be in the first place.

The year 2023 turned out as one of the most important years of my life. As so often before, my personal journey completely aligns with the Universal plan. And that for sure is no coincidence. In fact I don´t even know why this still surprises me as much as it does.

Of course it aligns to the Universal plan! My personal journey is part of the Universal plan. 

I am, as everyone and everything else is, part of the Universal plan.

Since a couple of months I´ve been on a rollercoaster once again. From the highest hights to the lowest lows and back again. Something that scared me before but does not anymore. Rollercoasters are energy and movements. Rollercoasters mean that my life is in motion and that´s a good thing. There is nothing as fatal as no movements at all.

What really pulled the rug out from under me was when I found out how much I am still acting out of dealing with unsolved traumas instead of being someone who has figured life out for herself and already is on the best path of becoming enlightened. 

That was a wakeup call at its best!

Afterward I considered myself once more a failure and now also a liar. I considered my whole life a lie. 

How arrogant was I to believe I am someone who can give advices to others? How did I even dare to believe I´ve already found the key for a happy life when in reality I still was broken and was living a life of lies? 

In reality I am still that traumatized little girl, that´s what I am!

After this realisation I was in shock for a few days. But then the dust settled and I became calm again. In fact I felt really good with this new found truth of still being that traumatized little girl. It took some of the pressure from my shoulders which I put there myself by believing I am such a wise person. All of a sudden it simply was okay to be someone who is acting out of dealing with her traumas. At least I was dealing with them, wasn´t I?

And I did more than that. I was protecting this little traumatized girl all of my life. I fought for her and I stood up for her. 

But now she wants to stand on her own feet and she wants to become who she is meant to be. She wants to take over because she feels stronger than before. She finally is ready to take life in her own hands and to blossom without being scared anymore.

With this realisation something magical happened.

The most magical part of it was that it happened so naturally, so quietly and so peacefully. I just had opened another hidden box in my basement and another trauma was released. Everything else was happening on it´s own. This time I did not try to actively deal with it. I simply observed and took actions step by step as they appeared. And I did that with that new peaceful feeling. It was okay to be broken. In fact it even was a huge relief to unmask the liar I was. 

I am definitely not that wise and strong person who´s mission is to safe the world and support those who hadn´t figure life out on their own.

I am that broken little girl who set out to find herself. I am this little brave girl who didn´t give up because she was so curious of life. She always was sure that there is something more beautiful waiting for her. There always was this spark of love and hope driving her ... 

A spark I´ve followed all of my life because I could not NOT follow it. No matter how dark the times were. This spark had always been there, it had pulled me out of misery and guided me through the dark. 

And when there were times where I hardly couldn´t see that spark, there were these guardians, those beautiful souls showing up to hold my hand and make me find my spark again.

That´s how I became the person I am today.

I am not a failure and I am not a liar. My life is not a lie and not everything I did was a mistake. In fact nothing I did was a mistake. I just got lost a bit by trying to find my way. Those alleged mistakes were opportunities for me to figure out the truth. Without knowing what doesn´t work I would not have found out what actually works for me.

And now that little brave girl wants to become who she really is! 

She wants to be a brave woman who is allowed to always remain being that little girl driven by a spark of love and hope.

She wants to be strong and free and independent and curious. 

She wants to smile and laugh and dance and sing and whirl around.

She wants to love. Not only with her whole heart but with every fibre of her being.

She wants to share her spark with those who needs it.

She wants to become one of those guardians who offer their hand for someone who is a bit lost and can´t see his own spark. 

She wants to hug people!

And she wants to be a writer! 

She wants to be a writer, because she is a writer. And she was inspired by writers herself many, many times before.

Here is an example I want to share with you at the end of this blog. It is something I´ve heard recently from one of the writers who inspires me most at the moment:

"You can´t push darkness out, you only can grow light."

--- Elizabeth Gilbert ---

AN HONEST LIFE

 

How could you start to write about an honest life when you are feeling blue?

This question I asked myself today, while hoping to get inspired to finally write again. The honest answer to that question was another question: Doesn´t admitting to feel blue also belong to an honest life?

And I definitely was writing today!

I filled page after page in my diary about how I am feeling and how I so urgently want to change the way I am feeling ...

Feeling blue is a result of everything´s going on lately. I guess what really broke me was the realization of not fitting into this world right now. I am even more sensitive than ever before. I am struggling with people being too loud, people being too selfish and the most I am struggling because I still want to connect with people and I want to fit into this world! Because I am part of this world, am I not?

Whenever I am feeling blue or there is this emptiness inside of me I am urging for a New Beginning. Thinking of a new project for the New Year, that´s what happened a couple of days ago. Only, when being really honest with myself, I of course know how those projects would work out: putting all my energy in planning the project, wanting to start right away only it should happen on a perfect date like January 1st, starting very enthusiastically ... only to realize that I planned the project too strict to keep it up for more than a couple of days.

Have done that thousand of times, been there before!

So this time I convinced myself to not even start planning a new project for 2023.

Though asking myself "How do I want my life to be?" is never a mistake. 

And this is what I did instead. 

The head line was: I want to live an honest life!

Now, I already am a very honest person. Long time ago I found out that being straight forward is the only way for me to make myself understood the best. Me being that complex and me being that sensitive I need people to understand me as best as possible. So being honest was necessary. Trying to explain why I am acting, feeling or thinking in a peculiar way does not only help me interacting with others, it also helps me to find out what is going on.

And I definitely can say that being honest always - without any exception - is the right decision. 

Then what does it mean when I say I want to live an honest life?

Well, being very, very ... very honest to myself I have to admit that in so many ways I am still not living an honest life. 

Deep inside I do know who I want to be.

Deep inside I do know how I want my life to be.

And yet ... so many times I end up in old habits and I am repeating my old patterns. 

It is totally okay to not be perfect - I am in the middle of learning and growing. 

But why do I even act contra productive sometimes? 

On one hand there is this theoretical knowledge of how I would be able to live a happy and fulfilled life. On the other hand I sabotage myself by doing exact the opposite. 

Why?

Living an honest life means to focus on my authentic me.

My advantage in this intense time is that I´ve dealt with myself since I was a young child. Not out of choice, but out of necessity. Asking who I am and what makes me happy was the essence of survival for me.

Yet, I still have to be even more honest with myself.

AN HONEST LIFE

Those are the three words I´m writing down everywhere right now.

Because I discovered how often I still live a lie. So it is time for me to figure out why I am still doing that and of course how to change that.

Feeling blue doesn´t bother me anymore. There are reasons why we feel blue and it certainly is a part of our life circle. Years ago when I felt blue I spiraled myself even deeper into those dark valleys where I wanted give up by making a big fuss about it. 

I don´t do that anymore.

When I have a look on what is happening and I am able to find the reason behind the blue feeling I try to break the circle. When I am not able to understand the reason I just acknowledge what is happening and don´t force anything into it.

Actually this time I just wanted to call it a year and let the last weeks pass as they are. Christmas season is starting soon anyway. The time of year which I hate the most.

Why?

Because, and this is the most honest answer I can give to that question, because I am all alone in this world. I don´t have loved once to celebrate Christmas with. That might sound pathetic but that´s a result of being that honest person I became over the decades.

Being honest is not a people pleaser - unfortunately. 

Now you might ask yourself: "Excuse me? And considering that statement you even want to become more honest? Are you insane?"

Fair enough.

Only, like I´ve mentioned before: I found out how often I am still living a lie.

Being completely honest also means to be authentic. 

And that´s the point.

I want and I need to be authentic.

Because being authentic and living an authentic life makes me happy, joyful and fulfilled! 

Being authentic and living an authentic life makes me real. And people need to see the real me! I myself need to sense the real me more often. Because this is when I feel best.

So my new project is none to plan for January 1st. 

My new project started already and will continue without a project plan.

AN HONEST LIFE.

Every day as honest as possible. Every day a bit more ... 

Listen To Your Heart

 

Reflecting what´s going on makes me peaceful and calm.

Is that even possible in a time like this?
Yes, it is. 

Because my heart knows ...

My heart knows that huge things are around the corner.

A while ago I had some intense conversations with Universe. Whenever I sat down and mulled things over I would receive an answer in one shape or another.

Lately it felt like Universe pulled back, not watching me that much anymore. And that felt strange. Why am I loosing connection with Universe?
...
Well, first of all, I am not loosing the connection, will never lose it. I am part of Universe.

Universe just changed its way to communicate with me. 

And ... it grants me my important wishes almost on the spot!

That morning when I thought: "Man, I would love to meet some interesting, likeminded people to chat with. Primarily English speakers to practice my English skills with. 

That same afternoon I sat in a Café in Valletta when I met a lady from South Africa. We ended up chatting for FOUR HOURS! And at one point she said to me:
"It´s funny. This morning I thought I want to meet somebody who thinks like me, who understands me and who will give me some new inputs."

Well, I guess we can talk about an arranged friendship here ...

The world is changing. That´s a fact. 

I guess the period of change already started long ago. It might have been the year 2012 - when a big change / the end of the world was predicted. 

Back then people were scared because they thought the planet would explode or something like that. Though we´ve just entered a new chapter of life, we stepped up to a higher level.

Since then the energy is constantly changing. 

Simply because things have to change in order to live a more joyful and fulfilled life. 

Many people don´t understand that and struggle immensely. I do get that. Though it´s a bit difficult to live in that society right now. 

That´s why I am so thankful to meet the right people.

Likeminded, with similar goals and willing to take responsibility for their life, for their future.

On the other hand I am doing really well myself at the moment.

Those still foggy parts in my life seem to finally clear up. Some of them just enough for me to recognize them. Some topics repeatedly keep coming to the surface. Though in a nice way. With me to decide if I wanna deal with them or not.

Recently I figured out that it is a good thing to handle things with a mix of gut feelings and logical thoughts. That´s a first for me. I so was claiming strictly feeling without thinking for me.

I also found out that it is time to integrate my being a Highly Sensitive Person more natural into my whole being.

Since I´ve learned of being a HSP I dealt with that in a very prominent way. And that is totally fine. For more than forty years this part of mine was not nourished at all. It desperately needed to be highlighted.

Now it is time to balance that part with all my other parts. In the end of the day being highly sensitive is not my only nature. There are more layers to that person called Uschi. 

This person called Uschi is manifesting something important right now. 

For herself, for her loved ones and hopefully also for the rest of the world. I found an amazing quote on Facebook the other day. Unfortunately I forgot to save the original so I have to paraphrase it:

Everything happened or happening in your life is not a punishment.

It is preparation. 

I am preparing for something big.

We are preparing for our more joyful and fulfilled future.

That might take some more struggles and some pains of change and grow ... but we will get there!

I am convinced about that.

I sense it. 

Thank you, Universe!

Pilamayaye Wakan Tanka! 

I am sending you much love. 

A Short Story

 

I met someone!

I met a person who is warmhearted and kind, crazy and loud, complicated and very straight forward, stubborn and empathic.

A person who is curious about life and so much more. A person who can cry because of pure happiness and feel deeply sad about "small things". 

I´ve seen that person before. Occasionally. 

Whenever I was able to catch a glimpse of that person I liked what I saw. Not perfect, not at all. But loveable and energizing, inspiring and really great to be with ... most of the time.

Well, to be honest, sometimes this person can be too much. Too overwhelming. Too impulsive. And specially when this person is excited about something, it can become really tiring and obnoxious. 

In the last couple of weeks I was able to get to know that person a bit better. For the first time this person came out into the open, not hiding anymore. At one point I was sure I now do get to see that´s person real, authentic pure self ... finally! 

Yesterday I met that person again - in a new more direct way than ever before.

It happened when the heavy rain started, when lighting and thunder raged across the island.

This was the moment when this person felt the urge to go out into the rain. When almost every other person tried to hide inside or to find some shelter from the heavy rain, this person put on some comfortable clothes and stepped out into the roaring weather.

With an excited smile on the face.

I saw that person jumping into water puddles, not caring about getting wet from head to toe. When a shoe was lost in the water, that person giggled like a child and went back to get it. Crossing the streets with heavy floods of water was only possible by taking the shoes off completely. That´s what that person did, stomping and splashing even more than necessary. 

I saw other people watching that person with ... surprise ... to say the least.

One man even shouted out: "Oh my God!", when this person went by, smiling like a lunatic, not caring about getting wet at all. 

I loved how alive that person looked, spreading the arms wide and lifting the face toward the sky to feel the rain even more. How connected that person seemed to feel with everything around, how content that person seemed walking through the heavy rain, when lighting flashed and thunder roared.  

I do hope this person will be around from now on and forever. No more hiding, no more being shy to show what´s really going on inside. No more denying the own self. 

I fell in love with that person, to tell you the truth. 

I want to be with that person from now on because life feels so much more ... lively ... when this person is around.

The Next Chapter Of My Life

 

I do love the idea of New Beginnings.

Though recently I gave up on the projects titled "New Beginning". I mean, let´s face it. It is never really a new beginning. It mostly is a new shift in direction - the result of everything you came up with before that.

So, what I usually did:
When I felt the need for some changes I gathered ideas for a new project. Very excited I planned the whole thing through, made preparations and impatiently waited for the beginning of a new month to "officially" get the whole thing going.

Stupid!

Never worked out.
Because you can´t change your entire life at the 1st of a month simply because the page in your calendar is virginally empty. 

After a couple of days the excitement usually wore done and the project was no fun anymore. 

A couple of weeks ago the word "minimalism" popped up in bright neon signs and since then stuck with me. 
I gave it some thoughts and with that I found inspiration all over the place. Read about it, watched You Tube videos about it and tried to imagine about the impact it would have on my life. Most fascinating fact: with everything going on in this world ... if this is not the perfect moment to start minimalism ... when then? 

Again it felt like life was gently pushing me into the necessary direction to best adapt to the situation we are living in.

Back with the start of the pandemic I felt the urge to pull back and focus on my own wellbeing more than ever before. Perfect calling for a two years lock down!

Now, when prices are insanely increasing and a big shift in our material world is happening, life gently pushes me toward minimalism.

Well, ... Thank You!

Yesterday a friend asked me:

"What does minimalism mean to you?"

In a nutshell:

Only having in my life what I love or what I really need. 

And I mean it.

Not only material things but on every level of life. Eating & drinking, activities, daily life routines, people in my life, thoughts, feelings, actions, ... everything!

As mentioned in the beginning, this is not a complete New Beginning. Because since years I try to create a more organic, natural, pure and trash free life. Plus with the years I more and more focused on my personal wellbeing and my growth instead of the every day struggles of and with society.

So the direction already was in progress. Now I caught fire on something new. 

But this time I wanted to take that new wave of excitement and use it to keep on steering into this new direction. Keep gathering inspirations, keep adapting those ideas to my personal needs and get it going - playfully and relaxed. Like a game. In my own style. Exactly how it suits me best. 

My main intentions are to be happy with what I already own, get rid of everything not serving me and creating more space for things I love.

Material, mental, creative, spiritual. 

And somewhere up there Universe is watching and thinks:
"Good girl, you read the signs well which were provided for you. Well done! Now, because you so love your New Beginnings, we will provide this New Beginning for you."

And then, yesterday, exactly on August 31st, it felt like I reached a point where I now exactly know how the new chapter in my life should look like. I had prepared my calendar and my To Do´s and already changed into the first new daily routines. 

And then, one of the last burdens, the only bigger expense I already feared for a while but would not be able to avoid much longer, was taken from my shoulders ... indirectly. 

Happened and dealt with yesterday, exactly on August 31st.

So today, with September 1st, I am starting fresh, relaxed and excited into The Next Chapter of My Life!

Simply as that!

Could not have planned it better!

Thank you, Universe! 

Two things I´ve already learned in the last couple of weeks:

1. it is not necessary to constantly focus on the over all project called life. 

Growing and learning is important and good, but the best way to do so is to joyful deal with the actual situation in front of us. That´s my life right now - I am making the best out of it with everything I have at my disposal. At the same time I create more space for new things and I always stay tuned for new inspiration.  

Adapting to the actual situation can be so much fun if you change your perspectives. Don´t call it problems and struggles. Call it challenges and a new projects. 

2. We are all sitting in the same boat called life on Mother Earth. 

There are fixed points I can´t change. It simply is not in my hands. So I´ll take them as they are and try to best possibly adapt to them.

On the other hand there is a wide field of possibilities to make my personal life more joyful and so much more worth living!

That´s exactly the field where I want to put my energy and effort into! 

And you know what?
With that I not only have a better life myself ... I also can change the world! 

This happened yesterday:

I started my day exactly as I wanted to. So I was in a very positive mood when I left home for the task I needed to finish. ... Until I ran into the first other human.

An obviously very arrogant lady with some attitudes. She cut my way with a look that said: "I don´t give a damn shit about you. You are dirt to me."

Oh, my positive mood was about to faint like a patch of snow in tropical sun. 

But after a moment of grinding my teeth my stubbornness kicked in.

NO! I don´t allow this person to manipulate my mood!

Her behavior and her attitude have nothing to do with me. It´s her story. Her reaction - not to me - but to her own situation. 

Not my story, not my problem.

I straightened my shoulders and kept on walking. Then I put a smile on my lips.

My choice!

In my world I want to interact with other people in a friendly and smiling way. 

Even if you don´t smile at me, I will smile at you. Because it makes ME feel better! Take it or leave it!

Entering the next street an elderly Maltese gentleman came walking toward me ... and very friendly greeted me with: "Bongu!"

There we go. That´s how it should be.

Doesn´t cost a cent and feels so much better ...!

The rest of my day was a blast. Everything turned out pretty awesome!

Inspiration and Input for My New Future

  

When I´ve learned something over the years ... it would be to not be too astonished anymore about what life reveals for me in moments I expect it the least. 

Sometimes it´s a chat with a friend or a song I listen to. Sometimes I am to while away the evening with watching a movie on YouTube, relaxing on the couch, when it is exactly this movie where I find some important answers or inspiration in any shape or form.

Usually it happens in the instant of a moment, mostly it happens when I don´t expect something big to happen. And almost always it DOES NOT happen when I desperately long for some answers. 

Lately a chain of important input is happening.

I guess the kickoff happened with watching a sequence of one of Sadhguru´s speeches on YouTube. I first "met" Sadhguru in "The Time of the Sixth Sun". Though I am not much into Indian and Asian culture he reached me with his laid back and jokingly presented wisdom. That´s why I so enjoy listening to him, even when his theories do not match my own theories.

In this specific sequence Sadhguru answered a question about love and relationship.

And what he said stuck with me:

Love and relationship are two totally different things.

Love is a feeling, an emotion you have within you. This feeling is yours and yours only. You don´t need anybody else to experience it. 

Relationship is more of a management between two or more people. Of course you play a part in it, but it´s never in your hands only. 

After a while of processing this thoughts it dawned on me how important this new insight is for me! 

Was I not searching for True Love all of my life? 

And am I not frustrated because I am not good with relationships? How grotesque is it that I, who wants nothing more than to find True Love, am not able to have joyful and fulfilling relationships?

So, if the two actually don´t have anything to do with each other ... maybe I am not that lost as I thought. I do know how to love deeply! I exactly know this overall warm feeling of loving somebody or something with all my heart and soul. 

So, I guess I am much closer to my Life Goal than I thought!

And when it comes to relationships, any kind of relationship - romantic ones, friends, colleagues, community, etc. - I do not have to stress myself that much anymore, because it´s not in my hands only. Being responsible for my part and not for the outcome of the whole thing, sounds much more doable ...

This conclusion somehow made me calm down a lot. It even had an impact on other parts in my life. Because I realized how much I overdo the planning, growing and learning stuff in every part of my life.

I so much want to heal from the past. I so much want to prepare for a joyful future. I so much want to bring out the best of me. 
When in reality I only should be grateful for everything I´ve already achieved in my life and for everything and everybody I have in my life.

I really should be in the moment and enjoy life.

With that I am not only acting and reacting only to what is directly happening. I also create so much space for everything important to happen. Space for the truth of life to reveal itself and space for new insights and new directions. 

Now this new created space brought me to the next level.

Becoming the Real Me, being and living as pure and natural as possible, already is on my agenda for a couple of years. As much as I contribute actively to this new life style I also receive inspiration when I don´t look for it at all.

Recently I opened a video on YouTube and the young woman in this video directly talked to my soul!

Of course I watched more of her videos because they spoke to me. She herself, the amazing nature in her videos, how she lives her life, her style, her values ... and last but not least the message from her videos:

Minimalism 

That´s the new key word!

Well, actually it´s just the logical conclusion of my journey ... as everything I did and do would have brought me to that point at one point, right?

Trying to live as pure, natural and trash free as possible is a huge part of minimalism after all.

So in that field I am just prolonging my journey. But ... a whole new field is opening up at the moment, as I discovered that minimalism is not only working in the material world but would also serve me damn well in my inner world.

Pure and clear thoughts.

Pure and clear feelings.

How relaxing and calming that sounds!

I was so inspired by that new key word, I wanted to start right away and big again! A new project, a new chance to get creative and something to write about. 

Fortunately I slowed myself down.

I made this mistake way too often with my pervious new beginning of something important.

There is no way I can adapt to something new from Zero to Hundred. At the very beginning I run on all the excitement. And that might keep me going for a while. But when this energy fades away the project gets difficult until I totally loose interest in it and consider the whole thing as failure. 

In the worst case I feel like a failure myself ...

Not this time.

Though the urge was there to start right away, I just mulled it over for a couple of days while I tried to get more inspiration. 

So the seeds are definitely planted and the ideas are ripening ... but this time I take all the time I need to get it going. Step by step, whenever it feels right, developing a new life style instead of jumping into it head over heels. 

Well, it will not be a completely new life style after all. I already created the best base with everything I achieved in the last years. 

Actually the journey is as organic as in other parts of my life:

Learning, growing, trying to find new ways, being curious to try different things and get inspired as much as possible. There are single pieces and clusters of new habits or a new knowledge and at one point I realize how they all fit perfectly together. 

So collecting different ideas and trying a variety of new things might seem a bit chaotic and messy first. But by following the hidden purpose of all of them is leading me to the point where everything comes together. 

I do know that everything has a purpose! 

No matter how small something might appear. Sometimes the biggest message lies within the smallest thing.

And the funniest thing is AGAIN: how much messages I find about minimalism at the moment - everywhere!

Why? Because it obviously is not only important for my personal life journey but it´s a big topic nowadays. Another key of leaving the struggling and suffering behind us and transfer into a life full of joy and happiness. 

Today´s blog I want to end with another message from Sadhguru, my new inspiring source from the other side of the world:

"I believe" means I don´t know.

You only have to believe in something you don´t know. Otherwise you would say: "I know." 

*******

*****

***

Changing (negative) Programming - are we in charge or not?

Yesterday I had a chat with a dear friend. 

It is inspiring how we are both on our separate journeys, yet we experience similar topics. And it is uplifting how these chats are helping with our own issues. Something she mentions, answers, but also questions, something she tells me, something I tell her, advices she gives me, ... all in all we support each other and more than once I answered my own questions by trying to answer hers.

One of the topics yesterday was:
How can the (negative) programming, which was going on for a very long time, can be changed?

My friend mentioned something like that:
"It was done a long time ago and it went on for so long. It can´t be changed in a day. We need patience." 

That sentence didn´t feel right to me. I was tensing up because it would mean we do not have it in our hands. But we do!  

And I promised to tell her what I discovered about that lately. So why not writing a blog for more people to read about my thoughts on it? Can´t hurt I would say. 

I believe that we can change anything and we can do it NOW. Or at least kick it off when ever we are ready for it. We do NOT have to wait patently for it to happen. We ARE in charge! 

Healing only can happen when we address the roots of the traumatic programming. 

Which takes a lot of courage and it needs a clear decision from our side to have a close AND an honest look at it. At everything, also the most painful parts.  

Important rule for that: 
There is the right time for every healing process! We can´t force it. Because, what really is hard to understand, in every traumatic experience lies a deeper meaning. We do not suffer from traumatic stuff without a reason.

Only when we´ve learned the lesson, which was presented, are we able to let go. When we´ve learned the lesson we do not need this topic anymore.

That´s why it is important to address it in "bright sunshine" when the chance comes up for that. Have an honest look and dig out all the mess - whenever and only when you are ready for it.  

For me this moment always arrives very clear. 

All the topics repeatedly come up from time to time. Usually either they bother me and I try to push them back into their drawer as fast as possible. Or I try to work on them actively but don´t find the right approach to their essence. No matter how intense I really wish to work on them. 

And then there comes this moment when all of a sudden I look at a specific topic in a more calm and relaxed way. In a peaceful way I even would say. 
I guess this is the right time when I am also able to spot the lesson or the reason behind the trauma. And this is the moment when the healing can start. This is the moment when I am able to forgive and to let go. 

I have an example for you. It is about my phobia of mice and rats. 

I do remember what happened there really clearly. 

As a child I was unbothered by them. I grew up in an old house next to a forest. Mice and rats where not always there but part of my childhood. Nothing unusual.

It was only when I was in my twenties when I discovered that I got scared by them. Whenever I saw a mouse or a rat I tensed up and fell into a kind of shock. 
The big "highlight" came, when I was working at a cash desk in a big shop and we found out there were mice around. One morning a colleague opened a drawer at the cash desk and sprang back in surprise. I didn´t see it myself but I knew there was a mouse inside. 
I broke down in tears and my whole body was trembling. Never ever would I have been able to work at that cash desk this day! 

A short while later the topic of phobias came up at my meditation circle. (See, when the right time for healing has come, all the tools are provided ...!)

The explanations for the individual phobias made so much sense:

- Snakes: fear of change (because snakes are regularly shedding their skins) 

- Spiders: an issue with believing in spirituality (because they live in their nets between earth and sky), also spiders stand for femininity (so issues with your own femininity could be the problem when you have a phobia of spiders)   

- Mice: an issue with money (in German language we even use the word "mice" for money) 

This explanation made totally sense for me. I´ve received my answer! I´ve received a new perspective to look at that issue: 

I did have a big issue with money in my adult life. I was manipulated to believe I have to give money in exchange to be loved. At one point I had given almost all my money to a manipulating partner in a very toxic relationship.

With this new understanding it made so much more sense why this fear of mice and rats started when I was in my twenties! 

So, with this new information, I had a closer look on where I stand with money nowadays. And with that I actively confirmed myself that it is not an issue anymore. This toxic relationship was over and I was in control over my own money again. I did well. It is done!

A while later it happened that I was in the city with this same colleague of mine who spotted the mouse in the drawer. 

When a little mouse appeared on the side of a street next to us ... 

Her first reflex was: "Oh, how sweet, a little mouse." Then she went pale: "I am so sorry. I forgot. Lets go."

But I looked at the little mouse and nothing happened. I even took a few careful steps toward the mouse to have a closer look. Still nothing happened.

My colleague watched the scene in awe.

"What happened with you? I can´t believe what I see!"

"I guess I´ve been healed from my phobia."

And the phobia was over - because the trauma was healed. I was able to let go because I didn´t need it anymore.  

Now can you see how Universe is working here? 
How the topic came up once more ... but in such an intensity that I couldn´t ignore it anymore.

How "totally incoherent" exactly this topic came up a few days later and I received the answer I needed - exactly the answer I needed at exactly the right moment!

How my understanding completely changed.

How I even were allowed - with the right person to witness it! - to proof it was done. 

Isn´t that mind blowing? 

For me it is. And I am so grateful for being able to see all those connections so clearly!
Because that helps so much addressing every other issue.

The more clearer I understand the procedure the better I can use it for my own good. 

One of the most important lessons I´ve learned lately is:

I do not have to actively work on any issue. I do not have to force it or to try to control it. 

Just having a look at it when it appears. Just asking myself what might be the reason for showing up. 

Am I supposed to address it closely now? Has the time come to deal with it? 

Or is it just popping up to remind me of the issue still waiting to be healed? 

To remind me there still is this issue which might be a reason for other things going on in my life. 

Sometimes I am sending out questions about an issue.

Sometimes I am asking for help to be able to address an issue. 

Example:

I don´t want to be that angry anymore. Can you please help me to get rid of it? 

A while later I heard in a documentary: "We sometimes are angry and frustrated. That´s normal. Don´t try to get rid of it. It shows you so much of what is going on within yourself. Just figure out WHY you are REALLY angry about something?"

Thank you! Answer received! 

And what happens nowadays?
I still get mad. Oh Boy! You wouldn´t want to hear some of my violent thoughts I occasionally have! But at the very next moment I am laughing inwardly about those colorful thoughts: Hey girl, relax! Take it easy! ... Why are you angry right now? What is the real reason behind your rage? 
And when I am lucky enough to dig out the real reason, the rage about it fades ... 

Example:

I so hate it when people have to blast their music. Walking by having a beat box on full volume with them; in cars, mostly small cars which almost fall apart from the heavy beat of the extreme loud music; when I want to sit in peace on the beach and people play their music so loud or the beat of a club nearby is disturbing!

This ridiculously loud beat of the high technic devices hurts me so much! Not only stresses me out by disturbing me ... I have physical pains in my chest from it!  

Okay, fair enough. But why are you really angry?
Because I am so mad at people not understanding that they disturb others. They don´t care about others! They don´t give a f... about anybody around them who might suffer from their selfish action!

Okay, I can see the motivation of your anger. Now, what motivation could they have to play their music so - selfishly - loud?

Because they are f....

NO! STOP! Try again. Take away your anger and look at them closely. ... What could be the reason for them to have to be surrounded by every possible loud sound? 

I don´t know. How can they even enjoy something like that at every wakening hour? I would get nuts! 

When I take my anger out of the situation and try to understand the real motivation I calm down immediately because now I focus on the "WHY" more than on my own rage. Next time when a car passes by, shaking like crazy from the much too loud beat, I try to get a glimpse at the people in the car and I try to figure out what is going on with them.

Sometimes, when I see that they are having fun and a huge party is going on, it makes me smile. Yes, let them have a blast! They are young, they are wild! Go for it, guys!

And I guess when Universe sees my willingness to address the real issue, it sends me a message with the correct answer!

Reading a post on Facebook about how intense the time is right now and how sensitive people are getting right now, most of them suffering a lot from it ... the light pulp appeared above my head!

Of course!

I, the Highly Sensitive Person, who is used to those feelings ... even I am recognizing how bloody intense everything is right now! Even I am struggling with being even more sensitive than I´ve ever been before in my life!

Of course people who are not used to that can´t stand it!

Better to torture yourself with the loudest of the loud music instead of dealing with all those emotions coming up right now!

"Untrained" people need every distraction, sounds and noise everywhere, so they are not freaking out by that huge input from "above". 

That´s why they 24/7 have their mobiles in their hands and ear plugs on their ears ...

Of course! Makes so much sense!  

Thank you so much! I do not have to be angry anymore because of not understanding their possible motivation. I understand it now. Blessed be their souls!

So, coming to an end:
Are we in charge of changing our (negative) programming?

Yes, at the right moment. In fact exactly when this programming had served it´s purpose! 

Be gentle with yourself!

Believe and trust in the Bigger Reason behind everything!

Trust in Universe to send you all the necessary tools and full support when the right time had come!

Send out for help and be aware that it will come when the time is right!

Be thankful for all the programming and traumas in your life - as they allow you to heal piece by piece when the time is right! 

Be grateful of the awareness with which you are allowed to travel your journey! Don´t mourn the pain of healing, celebrate the progress!

The progress to a fulfilled and happy life!

THANK YOU, UNIVERSE!

PILAMAYAYE WAKAN TANKA!