Lemming or Individual?

 

The original plan was to write a blog every day in my actual six days vacation. Well, could know by now that original plans never work out!

On Sunday I went to one of my favorite restaurants to have lunch. My mood was not particularly good but also not too bad. I only brought a book to read cause afterward I wanted to take a walk by the sea. I had no intentions to write diary or a blog. As usual I chatted with the staff. Some of them I know since years and it is always a blast to feel welcomed by those amazing people. They always lift my mood.

While waiting for my lunch been served I tried to read a bit. But I was distracted by a family of four who came to the restaurant and sat right in front of me. A couple, maybe in their mid thirties, two children, a girl about 8 years and a boy about 4 or 5 years old. 

The parents sat next to each other, facing me with petrified faces. I tried to get back to my book but the girl was dancing around and counting aloud. That´s why I looked up again.

Mother, father and the boy were staring into their mobile phones. No one was saying a word, faces like stone. Only the girls was dancing around and counting. But soon later she also sat down and stared in her mobile.

A family of four, sitting in a restaurant, waiting for their lunches and every single one of them was staring into an electric device - without saying one word to each other!

I didn´t want to stare but I couldn´t help it.

How sad this was!

They got their meals, they ate in silence with faces like stones. A few times they had to say something to each other, which was even more sad. The couple couldn´t look each other in their eyes, the sentences were short, their mimic never changed. Every bite they swallowed was a torture to them. 

I really wanted to go back to my book and I told myself to stop thinking about them. Maybe they just had a bad day or something sad happened to them recently. Though my mind would not focus on the story in my book anymore. When I looked up again for the next time, they were gone!

So they must have eaten their lunch and gotten up the second they finished eating.

The picture of that stone faces is haunting me ever since. 

Fortunately this beautiful hot chocolate cat above lightened my mood extremely. Usually I am having a black americano and a dessert after my meal. But on Sunday I was too full to eat dessert. So I chose a hot chocolate instead. When this cute cate smirked at me the black clouds vanished.

It´s part of being a Highly Sensitive Person (HPS) to observe very carefully and to pick up on what is going on around me. 

I remember being on the tube in Vienna with my niece once. While we were chatting to each other I pointed out some outstanding things happening around us. Something funny, a cute baby or an interesting person. At one point she stared at me with huge eyes:
"Why are you able to see all of this while talking to me?"

Well, that´s "the curse" of being a HSP.

I didn´t know the real reason when I was with my niece on that tube in Vienna then. 

Today I do, Thank God! 

But still it is very difficult to explain what is going on. How to explain what is going on in a HSP´s mind every second? 

The shortest way is: A HSP is taking everything in - totally unfiltered. EVERYTHING reaches my mind, EVERYTHING has to be thought through. 

Is that stress? Oh, you have no idea!!

Cause it is not only what I see, hear, smell or taste ... it is also what I feel about.  
Every other "normal" person might have seen that family on Sunday as well. But after maybe 20 seconds they would have only been people in the background. 

While today, Tuesday, they are still bothering me a big deal. 

That´s why I so easily get angry about people. Because they affect me so much. 

Yes, of course, also the positive things affect me a lot. And for that I am immensely grateful! But, as you might know yourself, usually the negative things stay longer with us than the positive ones.

Since Sunday I try to fit that unpleasant situation into a thought I had recently. 

Due to important lectures I had in the last couple of months I am able to shift my thinking into a more healthy way for myself.

The question: "Why are people like that?" made me crazy for a long time. 

Today I am aware of every person, every behavior, has its justification in the evolution. This journey we are on is always and in the first place a personal journey. So everybody is exactly where he / she needs to be on his / her personal journey. 

Plus, our personal journeys are matching the Universal Journey, the journey of mankind in general. 

We might not understand the goal behind it, but we should trust into nothing is wasted, nothing happens without a good reason. Mankind has to go through everything we are going through. We would not learn all the necessary parts otherwise. 

We are not to change those necessary circumstances. 

We are to learn and to grow. 

We are in power of how much we want to learn and how fast we want to grow!

Always.

Everyone.

So recently this thought formed itself clearly in my mind:

The most important thing is to be authentic at all time. Only when our goal is to be as authentic as possible we have the chance to develop our full potential. 

Since mankind is on this planet people in power knew that very well. This is why their goal was and is to control us as much as possible.

We were / are controlled by religion, by family structures, by society, by governments, by media, by advertisement, etc. 

I believe nowadays this is shown more than ever!

There are the ones who control us and there are the ones who want to be controlled.

Yes, I mean it, when I say: WANT to be controlled. And most of us WANT to be controlled. 

Why?

Because it is so much easier to be controlled. If there is someone or something controlling you, you don´t have to think and act independently. 

How many people live in a family structure where they suffer regularly? 

How many people are part of a society in which they feel unwell and manipulated?

How many people follow the rules of their religion without thinking if the rules are good or bad?

How many people wear expensive branded clothes, shoes and bags because society make them believe they are cooler when they do so?

How many people buy products advertisement made them believe they need?

How many people spend a monthly salary on a smart phone every single year? 

How many young girls are disfiguring themselves right now because media convince them an unnatural huge upper lip is the new beauty feature?

How many people put chemical shit on or in their body because everyone does it? 

How many people do and buy what everyone else does, no matter if its good for them or not? 

It is so much easier to buy sneakers with three stripes or a swoosh and feel like belonging to society than: 

be aware of those sneakers are produced in Vietnam most likely by children or people who work in slavery 

be aware of the margin is about 300 %  - only because of the three stripes or the swoosh - NOT because of great materials or fair trade. (I´ve worked in a sport shop and I do know what those branded items cost in production!) 

It is so much easier to follow the crowd than to be authentic and back up this authenticity. 

Does that group behavior make us happier?
Well, look into the faces of people ... do they look happy?

While having those thoughts I received another quote on Facebook which matched them so well: 

For a very long time of my life I was sad to not fit into any crowd. Today I am proud of it!

The real and fulfilling goal is NOT to fit into any crowd.

The real and fulfilling goal is to be authentic and find my own ways and my purpose in life. 

Now, imagine every single person would focus on being authentic and on her / his own wellbeing first. 

And please don´t get me wrong. I am fully aware of me always living in a crowd. I am part of mankind, I am part of a race, I am part of a country, of a city, of a working environment, etc. 

But inside those crowds I am an unique individual with my own authenticity, with my own believing.  

I stand behind myself.

I back myself up.

Not always easy, but it makes me happy and proud of myself! 

How great would it be to live in a world of authentic people who are happy and proud of themselves? 

Vacation Thoughts - Day One

(my today´s writing location - am I blessed or what?) 

Sometimes when there are really important thoughts forming in my head - and I am at home - I start to voice them out loudly. Like talking to someone or giving an interview.
I am serious. This is what I am doing from time to time.

Why?

Because while expressing my thoughts - spoken or written - more interesting thoughts are coming up.

And boy, was I wise yesterday! I wish I´d recorded my speech. 

We are still in a very intense time.

So much is going on. Maybe the corona crisis changed everything or the time simply was right. Or the corona crisis happened because the time simply was right. Or - and that´s the thought which makes sense the most - everything is happening at the perfectly right time!

Even my own life journey proofed that thought right:

In the beginning I was struggling. Struggling with myself being so different from everyone else, struggling with not belonging into my blood family and struggling with not belonging into the environment I was living in.

All of that made it necessary to figure out who I am and what belongs to me. I dug deep into my innerst soul. Not everything I found was nice. And not every decision I had to make felt right in the first place. Definitely I didn´t take the easiest way out. My natural intension always was to do what felt right. 

At some point I had to break free. And breaking free is what I did.

When I´d left everything behind what didn´t serve me well I finally was able to find the real me.

That was a huge break through. From there my journey became easier and clearer. 

I always felt the connection with Universe. Or call it God. Or call it Universal Energy. Or call it what ever you like.

Because of my constantly asking WHY?? I discovered a lot. I never took anything for granted. Couldn´t really do that. As a Highly Sensitive Person I feel so much, I feel everything in so deep layers. Not asking why would stress me out too much. I need to know why! I need to know what is going on. Otherwise I would get nuts.  

I received a lot of help on the way!

Different people, different things inspired me. As a curious person I soaked everything in like a sponge. The most fascinating fact is:  there has been very true information, sometimes only a phrase or a sentence I heard or read somewhere, which I stored in my mind. Theoretically I knew the information is important but practically I just stored it away. Sometimes it was only much later when this information popped up again and all of a sudden it made perfectly sense.

Something I read in a book and it felt right immediately:

"There is a huge difference between "knowing" and "being aware of". 

Recently a few situations came up which gave me the chance to figure out where I stand at the moment. And I have to say, I am really proud of myself! I am aware of being at a real great point in my life´s journey!

Surprisingly today I am more sensitive than ever. Never thought this could be possible, but I am. It might be the advancing age or it might be the necessity of the actual time. Or it might be both. Or what ever.

There is this little but proud voice inside me which keep saying:
"You are one of the lucky ones who are sensitive enough for this special time of human life. You will not despair. You will grow and move forward. You will learn and benefit from this "difficult time". Enjoy your journey! Be proud of who you are! Be proud of how far you already came!"

Now, when I said I always felt the connection with Universe, I didn´t lie. With all the information I gathered over the years I was able to glimpse at the Big Picture. I connect with Universe on a regular basis, I feel its presence at every giving moment.

Just to clarify what I call Universe: We all are connected, everything is connected. There is a Higher Energy creating everything and there is an Energy we all are part of. Everything goes together, everything and everybody is an important part in that ... Universe. 

While I received my answers to all kind of different questions, the understanding of this Universe, this energy, the Big Picture became clearer and clearer. 

But: there is a huge difference between "knowing" and "being aware of". 

I KNOW about the circle of life. I KNOW this life here is one of many. I KNOW I chose the circumstances of this life myself before coming to Mother Earth. I KNOW I am supported, guided and protected by that Higher Energy ... 

... and yet, I´ve never been aware enough to fully and honestly trust in what is going on!

Now, this pandemic and the almost two years period of working from home represent a new level of self awareness. Focusing mostly and exclusively on myself, my feelings and my inner world I discovered so much new! Without all that input from outside I am able to sort through my own world much more efficient. My "inner voices" became louder and more understandable. And this voices bring the stored information from the furthest corners with them. While discovering new wisdom the "old" messages are breaking through the surface with a wide grin on their face: "Hello again. Do you remember me? Have been here for a long time!"

The old information back the new wisdom up. The new wisdom proof the old information right. I am able to understand messages much better than before - and that´s how I change from "knowing" to "being aware of".

Feels amazing, believe me! Every time a big break through!

In the beginning of this pandemic when all the input from outside became still, I began to communicate with Universe on a new direct level. I spoke things out loud and I received the answers very clearly. 

Funny fact: when talking to Universe I always look up - a little higher than I would look at an adult standing in front of me. I am aware Universe is everywhere. And yet I always look up when communicating. 

Usually I address two forms of Higher Energy: Universe and Wakan Tanka. 

I guess I mentioned that somewhere else before already. Universe is my source of life, an uncomplicated source which sometimes teases me or teaches me a lesson in a very mischievous way. Our communication is "friendly" and I have no inhibitions to shout or swear when it is necessary. 

Wakan Tanka - the Great Mystery - on the other hand is the equivalent of "God" in Lakota tradition. I picture "him" as a very old and very wise Native American. I would never swear or shout at "him". "He" is like an immensely respected Grandfather. 

During the second year of the pandemic this communication stopped. I have no clue when this happened or why it happened. It just happened. Even when I tried hard to connect with my two Energies it didn´t work.

I was disappointed first. 

Only recently I discovered that at the moment I don´t need the direct communication with my source of life. I receive so many important message from everywhere around but mostly from within me. Universe is always communicating with me through quotes, lyrics, sentences in books or online, things I hear or read, etc. Wakan Tanka "speaks" to me through Nature. Whenever I feel deeply connected with Nature and Mother Earth, the moon, the stars, the sun, etc. Wakan Tanka is with me. And both of them already planted so much information inside myself before! 

I discovered I don´t have to feel neglected ... but privileged. They up there trust in me and they believe in me!

I am watched, protected, guided and supported at all time. But at the moment they know I am doing fine on my own.

No, wrong! They are aware I am doing fine on my own!   

End of the Year Declutter

 

Yesterday morning I started my "weekend" with a trip to ReRoot, Malta´s Zero Waste Shop in L-Iklin. I came armed with several glass jars and two plastic containers. They were filled (from left to right):

Vegan salted caramel with dark chocolate

Caramelized peanut with milk chocolate and orange

salted peanuts

walnuts 

roasted almonds

dates

cookies

I also bought another natural deo cream (in a card container) and two glass bottles with spray attachments (for my self made natural cleaners). Till now I was using upcycled spray bottles from former cleaning products, which sprayers are finally broken after some years of using. 

The trip to L-Iklin always is a happy event to look forward to - for several reasons:

- I love to shop in a Waste Free Shop

- I love to pack a totem bag with empty containers to be refilled completely package free 

- I do like the owner of ReRoot and it´s always a blast chatting with him

- After shopping I walk down the street and have a nice brunch at an amazing, unique place (a combination of a cozy café with an art gallery/framing shop) 

Yesterday I also brought some samples of Sonnentor teas for JP, the owner of ReRoot.

Last time we were chatting about all kind of stuff and I started raving about my favorite Austrian brand for tea, coffee, spices, herbs, etc.
He was very interested and promised to check their homepage for maybe stocking their loose tea in ReRoot. So I was very excited to bring the samples with me, cause I knew he´ll love the tea as much as I do. 

But I got a huge surprise!

He already stock a nice selection of loose Sonnentor teas in the shop!

"From what you told me and what I read on their homepage I was convinced enough to order straight away. And the tea is amazing! Customer already come back for it because they love it."

Of course they love it!
If I know anything, it is that Sonnentor products and the whole brand is perfect!

Soon I´ll ask them to nominate me Sonnentor Ambassador in Malta ...

Seeing my favorite tea in nice glass jars on the shelf in ReRoot made me very, very happy!

Now, why am I talking about all of that today?
Because at this time of the year it always comes natural to me to declutter my life and make a plan of how I want it going from next year on.

My journey of a healthy, natural, pure and as waste and plastic free as possible life is nothing new. Being on it for a couple of years already, though I am not forcing anything and I don´t stress myself (anymore) wanting to do it 100%. But I do know all the benefits of living a natural and pure life. 
Eating natural and pure (as much as possible).

Using only natural, preferred self made, cleaning and beauty products.

Only buying stuff I really need or really love.

Avoiding plastic and single used products (as much as possible). 

Getting rid of everything that doesn´t make me feel good. 

This journey is becoming more and more important and very dear to me. I love finding new solutions and it has a huge impact on every area of my wellbeing. As a Highly Sensitive Person I need to take good care of my soul and my body. The older I get the more I am aware of that.

A few weeks ago I was craving potato crisps. Usually I only like the salted or even the unsalted ones. All those flavored ones are giving me a hard time. 

Did you know there is buttermilk in paprika flavored potato crisps? So if you are lactose intolerant you might know now why you are not feeling too well after eating them ...

And, let´s face it, there is not much natural paprika in paprika crisps. Not to mention all those other chemical flavored types of crisps. 

I went to a shop. They didn´t have any (good) salted crisps. So I bought flavored ones from a brand I usually like. Came home, opened the bag, ate the first crisps, didn´t like them at all. They were too spicy and they tasted too "chemical". 

Now, I am not a person who throws food away without the only reason of it being spoiled. Nature grew it for us, somebody prepared it for us, it cost money. Wasting food is disrespecting Mother Earth.

So I ate all the way too spicy and way too chemical crisps.

Two days later I couldn´t get up in the morning!

I felt nauseous, I felt sick and I had a headache. 

Fortunately I was off, so I stayed in bed and went back to sleep. At one point I woke up and when I tried to open my eyes, they uncontrolled moved in their sockets.  

I stayed in bed for most of the day. When I hanged the washing every couple of minutes I needed to take a break and sit down cause I was afraid to faint. 

That was spooky! 

For a while I was not completely sure if really the crisps were the reason for that awful condition. Until a few days ago when I ate chemically colored and flavored jelly beans. Next day: I felt nauseous, I felt sick and I had a headache!

Thinking back to what I put into my body for decades it even gives me more headache!

THANK YOU, my dearest body! You managed to stay healthy in spite of the worst treatment ever! From now on I promise to take care of you better than ever!

My advice for anybody out there who is reading my blog - no matter if you are sensitive or not:

Listen to your body! Listen very carefully to your wellbeing! 

Find out what really does you good and get rid of everything else. 

Loud music, chemical perfume, toxic people, ... what ever!

Your body and soul might deal with it. Probably you don´t even know that you don´t feel good.

--- "I feel bad, I don´t feel good!" - are the lyrics of a song in the background right now. Damn! Who is reading my blog while I am typing it?!?! ---

Only when you adjust to a healthier life you will feel the difference.

And there is a time when conventional chocolate only tastes like shit - only awfully sweet, otherwise completely tasteless! 

All of a sudden you like the self made smoothie with fresh bananas, organic cacao powder and almond milk better than any sweet treat you put into your mouth on a regular basis before.

And if the time is right for a special sweet treat you watch out for something special, handmade, with excellent ingredients.  

By the way:

Have you seen the two different chocolate bits in the glass jars in my picture above??
Holy shit! 

Sooooo gooooood!!