Vacation Thoughts - Day One

(my today´s writing location - am I blessed or what?) 

Sometimes when there are really important thoughts forming in my head - and I am at home - I start to voice them out loudly. Like talking to someone or giving an interview.
I am serious. This is what I am doing from time to time.

Why?

Because while expressing my thoughts - spoken or written - more interesting thoughts are coming up.

And boy, was I wise yesterday! I wish I´d recorded my speech. 

We are still in a very intense time.

So much is going on. Maybe the corona crisis changed everything or the time simply was right. Or the corona crisis happened because the time simply was right. Or - and that´s the thought which makes sense the most - everything is happening at the perfectly right time!

Even my own life journey proofed that thought right:

In the beginning I was struggling. Struggling with myself being so different from everyone else, struggling with not belonging into my blood family and struggling with not belonging into the environment I was living in.

All of that made it necessary to figure out who I am and what belongs to me. I dug deep into my innerst soul. Not everything I found was nice. And not every decision I had to make felt right in the first place. Definitely I didn´t take the easiest way out. My natural intension always was to do what felt right. 

At some point I had to break free. And breaking free is what I did.

When I´d left everything behind what didn´t serve me well I finally was able to find the real me.

That was a huge break through. From there my journey became easier and clearer. 

I always felt the connection with Universe. Or call it God. Or call it Universal Energy. Or call it what ever you like.

Because of my constantly asking WHY?? I discovered a lot. I never took anything for granted. Couldn´t really do that. As a Highly Sensitive Person I feel so much, I feel everything in so deep layers. Not asking why would stress me out too much. I need to know why! I need to know what is going on. Otherwise I would get nuts.  

I received a lot of help on the way!

Different people, different things inspired me. As a curious person I soaked everything in like a sponge. The most fascinating fact is:  there has been very true information, sometimes only a phrase or a sentence I heard or read somewhere, which I stored in my mind. Theoretically I knew the information is important but practically I just stored it away. Sometimes it was only much later when this information popped up again and all of a sudden it made perfectly sense.

Something I read in a book and it felt right immediately:

"There is a huge difference between "knowing" and "being aware of". 

Recently a few situations came up which gave me the chance to figure out where I stand at the moment. And I have to say, I am really proud of myself! I am aware of being at a real great point in my life´s journey!

Surprisingly today I am more sensitive than ever. Never thought this could be possible, but I am. It might be the advancing age or it might be the necessity of the actual time. Or it might be both. Or what ever.

There is this little but proud voice inside me which keep saying:
"You are one of the lucky ones who are sensitive enough for this special time of human life. You will not despair. You will grow and move forward. You will learn and benefit from this "difficult time". Enjoy your journey! Be proud of who you are! Be proud of how far you already came!"

Now, when I said I always felt the connection with Universe, I didn´t lie. With all the information I gathered over the years I was able to glimpse at the Big Picture. I connect with Universe on a regular basis, I feel its presence at every giving moment.

Just to clarify what I call Universe: We all are connected, everything is connected. There is a Higher Energy creating everything and there is an Energy we all are part of. Everything goes together, everything and everybody is an important part in that ... Universe. 

While I received my answers to all kind of different questions, the understanding of this Universe, this energy, the Big Picture became clearer and clearer. 

But: there is a huge difference between "knowing" and "being aware of". 

I KNOW about the circle of life. I KNOW this life here is one of many. I KNOW I chose the circumstances of this life myself before coming to Mother Earth. I KNOW I am supported, guided and protected by that Higher Energy ... 

... and yet, I´ve never been aware enough to fully and honestly trust in what is going on!

Now, this pandemic and the almost two years period of working from home represent a new level of self awareness. Focusing mostly and exclusively on myself, my feelings and my inner world I discovered so much new! Without all that input from outside I am able to sort through my own world much more efficient. My "inner voices" became louder and more understandable. And this voices bring the stored information from the furthest corners with them. While discovering new wisdom the "old" messages are breaking through the surface with a wide grin on their face: "Hello again. Do you remember me? Have been here for a long time!"

The old information back the new wisdom up. The new wisdom proof the old information right. I am able to understand messages much better than before - and that´s how I change from "knowing" to "being aware of".

Feels amazing, believe me! Every time a big break through!

In the beginning of this pandemic when all the input from outside became still, I began to communicate with Universe on a new direct level. I spoke things out loud and I received the answers very clearly. 

Funny fact: when talking to Universe I always look up - a little higher than I would look at an adult standing in front of me. I am aware Universe is everywhere. And yet I always look up when communicating. 

Usually I address two forms of Higher Energy: Universe and Wakan Tanka. 

I guess I mentioned that somewhere else before already. Universe is my source of life, an uncomplicated source which sometimes teases me or teaches me a lesson in a very mischievous way. Our communication is "friendly" and I have no inhibitions to shout or swear when it is necessary. 

Wakan Tanka - the Great Mystery - on the other hand is the equivalent of "God" in Lakota tradition. I picture "him" as a very old and very wise Native American. I would never swear or shout at "him". "He" is like an immensely respected Grandfather. 

During the second year of the pandemic this communication stopped. I have no clue when this happened or why it happened. It just happened. Even when I tried hard to connect with my two Energies it didn´t work.

I was disappointed first. 

Only recently I discovered that at the moment I don´t need the direct communication with my source of life. I receive so many important message from everywhere around but mostly from within me. Universe is always communicating with me through quotes, lyrics, sentences in books or online, things I hear or read, etc. Wakan Tanka "speaks" to me through Nature. Whenever I feel deeply connected with Nature and Mother Earth, the moon, the stars, the sun, etc. Wakan Tanka is with me. And both of them already planted so much information inside myself before! 

I discovered I don´t have to feel neglected ... but privileged. They up there trust in me and they believe in me!

I am watched, protected, guided and supported at all time. But at the moment they know I am doing fine on my own.

No, wrong! They are aware I am doing fine on my own!