Stormy Weather - versus - Clear Perspectives

(my writing session spot today) 

For the first time since living in Malta my company sent out an email asking us to stay at home and not going out at all. The reason was an orange weather warning from the government because of an approaching hurricane with approximately 120 km/h. 

And this is what I did yesterday.

I replaced my backyard plants to a storm safety place and closed every window. I worked from home, afterward I made myself a hot chocolate and tugged myself in on the couch reading all evening. Outside the wind was howling, it rained a lot, but I felt cozy and safe in my flat. It was tempting to go out for a walk by the sea and watch the waves and the power of weather. But I convinced myself to drop that idea. There must be a good reason why we´ve been asked to stay at home, right? That never happend before in those eight years of me living in Malta. 

Today I had to leave the flat because I completely ran out of water. But it was okay. It still rains a lot but the storm is not that strong anymore. I put on my rain jacket, took my umbrella (which I would hardly use because of it being useless in storms) and slipped into my flip flops. Yes, flip flops. There are only two options in heavy rain in Malta: flip flops or wellies. 
Fortunately it´s still warm enough for flip flops because I don´t have wellies ...

Crossing streets is an adventure in or after heavy rain. There are big puddles and in some places literally a wild river of dirty water is coming down the road. No chance to stay dry in any other shoes. So with my flip flops I was free to walk through every puddle - and that is what I did! Excited like a little child. Now and then I was loosing one of my flip flops, which made me giggle like a toddler.

Right now I am having lunch in a cozy place. I brought my laptop with me. I love the thought of not having any plans or places to be, only to fetch some water later. 

I love my life! I really do.

Am I scared of the hurricane?

No, I am not. 

First of all I am living in a safe place: my flat is "inland", not directly next to the sea, it is surrounded by higher buildings and I am living in the first floor, so I hardly don´t feel anything about the storm. 

Second, I am having a Native soul, remember? I believe we are part of Nature, not living and fighting with/against Nature. So all the "bad things" happening are not a punishment from Nature toward us. We are just been reminded of changing our behavior sooner rather than later if we don´t want to destroy ourselves. Yes, ourselves!

We do not destroy only Nature - we are part of that Nature. We shoot us in our own knee. 

It really is time to finally figure that out.

And third, more than anytime in my life before, I am aware of everything is happening for a higher good and for an important reason. That made me loose all of my fears. I am serious. What happens is supposed to happen. We do not have to understand it and we do not have to be able to see the outcome, but certainly it happens out of a reason. Nothing happens coincidentally. 

Of course there are still moments where frightening thoughts are coming up about the future. What will happen? Will I manage everything what´s in my cards? Would I suffer or struggle hard at some point in my life? Will there be any obstacles coming up too huge for me to handle them? 

Those moments are scary, I am not gonna lie. 
But soon after I feel this special connection with Universe again I refocus on my feelings rather than my thoughts. My thoughts are challenging, my feelings know the truth. 

Every person we meet, every action we take, every circumstance, every situation we are in - no matter how unpleasant or scary - everything is there to make us learn, grow and move forward. 

As a Highly Sensitive Person I am able to re-watch my whole life at every given moment. Regularly I am making something like an inventory. 

Where do I come from? What have I been through? What did I achieve? What was leading to what? How did I change in the last fifty years? What mistakes did I make? What would I do different from today´s point of view? Etc. etc. 

Most of the time I don´t do that inventory thinking on purpose. It happens when, for example, I am on a walk and there are no other pressing thoughts on my mind. 

And you know what?

More than ever I am totally content with that inventory thoughts. 

Oh, that reminds me, a couple of days ago I received an amazing message via a Facebook post:

This post became precious to me. 

How many times did I doubt myself? I hated it when I was too loud, too impulsive, simply too much! 

Yes, I did overreact a lot and often in my life. I still do that sometimes. But the more I became authentic the more I backed up my overreacting. When I freak out there is a reason to freak out about. Period. 

The reasons where there in the past as well. Don´t get me wrong. I am not freaking out over nothing. Only today the reasons are more ... "reasonable". 

What does that mean?

For a very, very long time in my life I was struggling with simply being me. I´ve always been different, I´ve always been misunderstood. It was a long and stony path to find out who I am and - after that - make myself clear to people around me. It was in that cloudy period before, when I still didn´t know why I am like I am, that I fought the hardest fights. I needed to make myself and my feelings understood but I couldn´t do it in a reasonable way, cause I didn´t know how. 

How are you to explain something you even don´t understand fully by yourself? 

Freaking out when the emotion bucket was jam-full was something that happend regularly. 

Today I am not afraid anymore to "make waves". 

And that´s what this post above reminded me of. Making waves means taking action on my own behalf, not being afraid anymore of maybe overreacting. I am backing myself up. I stand behind myself. 

And you know what?

The funny thing is that nowadays there are only few occasions where I have to freak out. A lot of issues are already been solved before it comes to the point of freaking out.

Which makes me really proud of myself and I am so grateful for that!

I really do recommend those inventory thoughts to everyone out there. 

Just take a moment and think back on your life journey so far. Usually, when we do that, all the big moments pop up first, usually the "negative" ones.
Go beyond that!

Allow yourself to also "see" the small good stuff in your life which brought you forward in any given way. Look upon your life like a proud parent would do it. Praise yourself for sticking to whatever you did to remain authentic and honest. 

No decision was wrong or wasted!

We do learn most from our mistakes and failures. 

It´s really simple to scold ourselves for all that wasted time when we headed into the wrong direction. But do you ever look upon all the lessons you´ve learned exactly on that stretch of your path? 

Most likely it made us stronger. We´ve learned about our strength and we were able to prove ourselves. 

Be proud of what you went through! 

Be proud of what you achieved in your life!  

At a certain point of my inventory thoughts I always reach the view onto the most difficult period of my life. 

Without going into details ... I am talking about awful things which happend for about two to three years when I was a teenager. 

Fortunately there was this time in my life, probably when I was in my early thirties, when I unconsciously started to work through this trauma. It took a while. But today those awful things don´t have any power over me anymore! 

Part of this trauma was the fact that I had to go through this difficult time all by myself. No one to confide in, no one to help me, no one to rescue me ...

To be honest, that was the most saddest part of all. What has been done to me made me angry. But I felt so sorry for myself for not having anyone to ask for help. That´s not fair! 

No teenager should suffer in secret!

But ...

Today I am looking back and I am most proud about exactly that fact.

I did it all by myself!!

I survived, I made it through and I did it all by myself!

When this is not the best reason to be proud of myself then what is it?

And here is another amazing thought:
I made it through this shit. Yes, it left deep scars and it almost broke me. But I made it through this shit - when I was only a teenager.

So there is hardly anything I have to be afraid of today, right?

I will be able to deal with shit if I have to, don´t I?

Enjoy the pleasure of looking back onto everything you did good in your life! 

Be aware of being able to create a life for yourself ... even when we are not fully in control. 

Trust of everything is happening for a higher good and for your wellbeing. 

Allow yourself to dream more rather than to worry about things you can´t change anyway. 

Embrace what you´ve got!

Be thankful and grateful all the time!

Life is a blessing!

Now, those are my thoughts for today. 

It is really fun to sit down, fire up the laptop and type away.

 

I hope you enjoy reading my thoughts as much as I enjoyed writing them ...